Retention
by Echante
Summary: Maddison. The bond that kept them together, gets severed and strengthened in the same moment. If Addison had kept the baby but dumped Mark for cheating on her...


Wow... I still have tons of unfinished stories... But I love this idea! Anyways... please review because when people don't I get discouraged and don't finish writing anything else... This is kinda based off of .net/s/2649034/1/A_Perfect_Fit which I did unknowingly... but when I read back over it I was reminded... If you are at all a Friends fan you should read that story, the author is magnificent.

**Retention**

"I'm pregnant," she tells him one day, her voice low, accusatory and she sniffs a bit before she adds, "And you've been cheating on me."

He doesn't contest the assertion, but his eyes remain fixated on an unidentified object behind her, gaze un-wavering, jaw clenched.

"Well?" She asks him vacantly; the words seem trivial in her stupor, "Aren't you going to defend yourself?"

He shrugs, "I am cheating on you."

The pain ripples in the margins, and even though she knew of his infidelity, the explicitness of his confirmation tears away in some obscure part of her consciousness.

He's floating through the situation mechanically; he hasn't yet registered its severity. "You could at least say you're sorry." He vaguely hears her say, but he doesn't comprehend, he's retreated into the same place he disappeared when his father died and his previously loving mother turned cold, when he developed his 'little-devil' reputation. The same place he embarked when, during his cardio rotation as an intern, he'd lost his favorite patient and ended up as the 'plastics-jackass.' The words that come out of his mouth become cruel and indifferent.

So he just shrugs and murmurs 'sorry,' and shrugs again as her face crumples and her fists pummel his chest and she repeats, "You fucking asshole, you never fucking loved me. Fuck you!"

It isn't until she's long gone and the Yankees/Red Sox's game blared across his television screen that he realizes he'd just in essence told the love of his life to fuck off. He sticks his head into his hands and groans. Whatever was sinking in the depths of his stomach doesn't find the bottom and keeps plunging. Horror crosses his face.

So he goes out determined to solve it the best way he knows how. He brings another girl into their bed, he pins her against the sheets. The heat builds and just as he feels the threshold has crossed, the damage unfixable… he can't. He doesn't know why or how but he stops and ushers her humiliated body out of their apartment and sobs.

The first thing he does is wash the sheets. He doesn't like the scent of someone else lingering where she had slept.

* * *

She wrings her hands and places them against her stomach. She purses her lips and clenches her jaw, preparing for the indifference that she knows waits behind the closed door. It swings open, and his lips impulsively curve in greeting before they shoot downwards. He remembers the previous night's events. He winces.

"You look like shit." She tells him blatantly and breezes past him apathetically.

"I'm so sorry Ads." He whispers, "I'm so sorry… God… Last night… I wasn't… I didn't…"

She interrupts him and he knows he's broken her trust, "its okay Mark, we wouldn't have made it anyways…" It hurts her to say it. It hurts him to hear it.

"But…"

"Mark… Don't… it was always about sex, we were both lying to ourselves if we thought it could be more… I was still married; you don't know how to commit…" He wants to scream at her that he does know how to commit, but he knows that it would mean nothing. The words rang hollow in his ears.

"Addison… I love you." He attempts.

"Bullshit!" she snaps, "Tell me, really Mark, after I told you last night… where did you go?"

His silence answers her question and she nods the confirmation.

"I just wanted to tell you…" she hesitates, "The divorce papers went through…" she sighs, "Our child isn't going to be an adulterous one."

His voice softens, "So you're keeping it?"

She nods, "You hurt me… irrevocably… but if you want a relationship with this kid, I won't deny you that right… but if you want nothing to do with her…" she trails off.

"No no." He quickly assures her, "I'll be there."

She turns to leave so he doesn't see the smile tugging on the edge of her lips, "Okay then… I'll see you around." She closes the door and he buries his face in his fists.

* * *

"I screwed up." Mark tells him as way of greeting, "… I know you're still mad at me for the divorce and you should be… but… I could use a friend."

Weiss stares awhile but he eventually opens the door, "its cool man, come in. I mean that was a shitty thing to do but you're still my friend. That doesn't change."

He nods, "I really thought… I don't know what's wrong with me… But I love her so much… but I can't seem to stop hurting her…" he pauses and adds as an after-thought, "She's pregnant."

Weiss draws in a sharp breath but allows him to continue.

"I want to be with her man, but I was the biggest ass when she told me… she doesn't trust me."

Weiss mulls over the information and then tells him, "You take what she gives, you stop being a fucking douche and give up whoring." When Mark opens his mouth to protest Weiss quiets him, "I know you dude, but you have to let her learn to trust you because clearly, she doesn't."

He nods.

Weiss slaps him on the back, "You know I'm right, fifteen years of marriage does that to a man."

Mark chuckles and stands up, "Okay… Well I need to go grovel."

"Good luck man."

"Thanks. I need it."

* * *

She stares curiously at the un-opened box in front of her, the red sparkling wrapping paper and white ribbon intriguing her childishly. She really liked presents.

"What is it?" she asks him.

He grins, "Open it."

She eagerly tears into it. She squeals as the lid opens to reveal a New York Yankees onesie and a _Winnie the Pooh _calendar open to the baby's due date which was circled.

She tears up slightly and turns to kiss him before remembering they'd broken up. He cleared his throat and choked out, "Do you like it?"

She shakes her head vigorously up and down, "I love it." She tells him.

"Okay." He nods, "See you around?"

Her eyes shine guardedly but she confirms, "Sure."

When he's almost out of the room she calls after him and he halts, "Wait!"

He turns expectantly, "What?"

She hesitates and his heart breaks a bit but she manages to get out, "I have an appointment on Thursday…" She trails off.

"I'll be there." He tells her. She waits for him to leave before she smiles.

* * *

He's in her house when she gets home, and when she asks what he's doing he replies, "I figured I'd do some of your dishes and make sure you were eating," very nonchalantly and continues. She looks at him slightly confused but he pretends not to notice.

So she sits down and opens her work and spreads it across the table. While she pretends to read a medical article she studies him. She notes the premature graying of his hair that made him look more distinguished, the flat abs on his stomach that are squeezed slightly by his white v-neck shirt. She watches his arms as they carefully scrub her expensive dinner plates, and she gulps. It was going to be a long night. Her mind travels along the length of his arms and start to imagine his hands, hidden beneath a pair of large yellow rubber gloves. Her mind goes to unmentionable places. She shakes herself while Mark smirks slightly where he is standing.

Their problem had never been chemistry, whenever she was with him she felt invincible, but when they were apart she remembered all his faults, and they were many. She doesn't understand how one man could have so many faces.

Some days she didn't even care about the inevitable heartbreak, but most days, and especially the ones where her baby was prominent in her thoughts, she knew that she wouldn't be able to take the hurt again.

"I was thinking," he mentioned as he watched her eat, "That you could move back in? Or I could move in here?" When the panic appears in her face he quickly amends, "It wouldn't be anything romantic, but you're pregnant, you need someone to take care of you… and we've always been good friends…"

She hesitates and he holds his breath, "I was going to move in with Savvy and Weiss… but it would be easier if I just came back to your place huh?" She smiles up at him.

He jumps up and picks her up but quickly calms down and sets her softly on the ground. Her face quickly turns serious, "You know nothing more can happen Mark."

"Addy…"

"No!" she exclaims, "I mean it! Nothing! If we are going to do this, I need you to understand that I don't trust you, and I don't see myself doing that again anytime soon… so… this is as far as it goes."

He sighs and kisses her temple, "I'll take whatever you give Ads. Whatever you'll give me."

* * *

Weeks go by without hitch and he caters to her random food cravings and maintains celibacy, although she is ignorant to that fact. He cleans his apartment, paints the baby's room pink at her insistence that it would be a girl, and then repaints the room blue when it turns out she's wrong. He child-proofed all the possible danger zones and learned how to make pasta. He's made progress but feels he still has a ways to go. She still is suspicious around him.

Which sucked because she had entered her second trimester.

He can tell by the lingering touches that turn cold, and the softness of her glare that hardens. He wishes she would forgive him, but he knows it's unrealistic. She just got out of a marriage that broke her, he only broke her again.

She comes home from jogging, (okay walking, but she figures it still counts because she's worked up a good sweat) and heads straight for the shower, head phones still in her ear as the cassette tape blares, _'I can't wait to feel your love tonight!' _(A/N: I have a Van Halen obsession). She's striped to her bra and panties when another figure steps out from behind the curtain. Instead of squealing and running away like she supposed she should have, she had stared.

She doesn't even bother hiding it, she was so attracted to him in that moment, and her body screamed memories of kissing down those biceps and that stomach. She reached out a hand to touch his face before pulling back as if it burned.

"You should get some clothes on." She whispers and then pressed a quick peck against his lips.

His lips still burn when she walks away.

* * *

She avoids him days after, only addressing him at work or in public, but staying out of his way in the apartment. He hates that she's making such a concentrated effort to avoid landing in bed with him again. He hates that she doesn't trust him enough to restrain.

He's frustrated with her, and he's beginning to become frustrated with himself. He eventually decides that the situation is hopeless and tries dating again, but the girls seem too unfamiliar and too far from his fantasy that he can never get it up. He blames himself.

Some days he blamed her.

Today though, he's decided the avoidance has to stop, and he corners her when she arrives home and launches into his lengthy rant, "So you saw me naked… Dude… We've been there done that and seen it all before Addy! How do you think we got here to begin with?"

She laughed nervously, "Miracle sperm?"

He grinned because he thought all was well then, but then she asks, "So… Have you been… seeing any other people naked?"

And a little of his hatred towards her rears, "So what if I had?"

She tries to shrug nonchalantly but it comes off as a wince. He can see her chest fall violently and her jaw clench as she ponders the implication. He continues, "Are you saying, that even though you don't want me, no one else can have me?"

"No… I…"

"Cause really Adds, how self-righteous can you get?"

"Mark… I…" her breathing becomes sporadic but he doesn't notice.

"You kiss me and then you walk away and leave… really Addison, does that seem fair to you?" He stops when she collapses on the floor.

"Oh shit."

* * *

"The baby's fine sir, you can stop worrying."

"What happened?" Mark cried jumping to his feet.

"She was a bit undernourished."

"She hasn't been eating?"

"Calm down, it's fine, she's stable."

"Can I see her?"

"Go ahead, but be quiet, she's resting."

She smiles when he opens the door but the first thing he does is break down. He grabs her hand and kisses it repeatedly apologizing over and over.

"Hey." She says, "It's not your fault, "I've been…" she chooses her words, "frustrated lately and it's been hard to concentrate on eating and stuff…"

"But I shouldn't have yelled!"

"It's okay. I'm the one who said we shouldn't be together, you're right, it's not my place… And… okay maybe I'm a little jealous but…" she pauses and repeats, "It's not my place."

"No. You're carrying my child." He tells her, "It is your place, and I'll tell you the truth. I've been on dates," she winces slightly but waits for him to continue, "but I haven't slept with anyone…" he lowers his eyes, "I haven't been able to…" he mumbles the ending, "perform."

She bursts out laughing.

He throws a pillow in her face and she sticks out her tongue. 'Somehow' he thinks, 'this will all be alright.'

* * *

The peace returns and reinstates itself, and Mark almost feels as if they are a couple, minus the sex and the sleeping together. But she settles down and doesn't succumb to bits of sarcasm, and when they go out, she absently fingers his hands and leans against his shoulder, she allows his arm to make its way around her waist.

It was all fine.

She glowed like no other, and he would find himself obsessing over her facial features, her enhanced breasts. He started taking more and more cold showers. He got used to the temperature.

And then her ex-husband came to town.

They'd been sitting together on the sofa, his arm enveloping her shoulders as they happily watched _I Love Lucy _re-runs and episodes of _Seinfeld. _The baby had been frisky, and just as he rested a hand against her stomach to feel his kicking, the doorbell rang. He absently rose to get it.

"Derek." He exclaims as the door swings open.

On the couch, Addison freezes.

"What are you doing here?" Mark continues loudly for the benefit of the woman on his couch.

She flees, hidden in a closet. She was a little curious as to how the conversation would go.

"I just wanted to thank you man." Derek tells him.

Mark blinks, "What?"

"If you hadn't been a jackass and slept with my wife, I would never have found the love of my life."

Addison's heart broke as he proclaimed his eternal love for another woman. "This time I know it's real." He says.

Mark swallows hard. And then the man before him, who he once considered his best-friend announces, "I'm getting married."

Mark coughs loudly to cover the squeal that emerges from his closet.

"You just got divorced…" he says weakly.

"Well… when you know you just know."

He nods, not wanting to pursue this conversation.

"So how's Addison?" The other man asks casually.

"She's good." Mark proceeds cautiously.

"She dating anyone?" Mark winces because he assumes they aren't together.

"Yeah… yup."

"Do you know who?"

He shrugs, "Just this guy… from work."

Derek seemed satisfied, "Well that whore did something right for once huh?" His tone is light and teasing, but Mark cannot control his impulses and before he knows it, Derek is bleeding on the floor and his knuckles are bruised.

"Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Mark?"

"Derek. You don't get to call her that! She was lonely and confused because you chose work over her over and over again… I picked up your damn pieces! Damnit Derek! You were an asshole! You call her a bitch? She cried for days after you left! She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't move… but you just abandoned her! You left without looking back and you are a fucking asshole Derek! Get out of my house."

"Mark!"

"She's pregnant Derek."

He freezes.

"She's pregnant with my kid." And he closes the door on Derek's face.

* * *

He walks back inside expecting the worst, but she doesn't say anything as he sits beside her. Her arms encircled her knees and she leans against his shoulder, crying. "Was my whole life a fucking sham Mark?" she whispers into him.

He brings his fingers to her face to wipe away the tears, "No. Addison, he… he didn't mean it. He hasn't seen you in so long…"

"But you defended me." She says in awe.

He nods, "I'll always defend you Addy."

"You'll always defend me?" she asks.

"Always."

"And you'll always love me?"

He nods again, "Always."

"I mean more to you then I ever meant to him…" she sobs into his shoulder.

"Hey." He says firmly, reaching two fingers to lift her chin, "You mean everything to me."

"Me and the baby?" she asks softly.

"And the baby." He nods.

She smiles, "I think… if you still… want to be together…" she wipes away the remnants of her tears, "I want to give us a try."

He grins and pulls her up to her feet before spinning her around, "So you trust me again?"

She laughs, "I always trusted you… I just never trusted myself."


End file.
